Sunday, December 30, 2012

So you think you know EelKat?

In the past couple of months a strange event has been occurring on my FaceBook wall - people (distant relatives) have been leaving comments saying that I am bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful, each time followed by one or the other of these two phrases: “I know Wendy really well” or “I have known Wendy for many years”. If it was just one person saying this over and over, I would just assume it was one person with a mysterious bone to pick. However, in the past 4 months more than 30 different relatives have posted these comments on my wall, in most cases relatives I have never once meet in my entire 40 years of life on this planet, and the rest all being those whom I meet once for less than an hour of one single day, at a family reunion in July of 1991. In spite of being related by blood, they are complete and total strangers to me, in most cases, not only are they total strangers, but they live no less than 2,000 miles away from me.

Then there’s the bitter, angry one who thinks they know me, because whenever they are in trouble, I’m the only one who ever helps them out of the jam. My relationship with that one is, to see them once every few months when they need food or money or land to pitch a tent or someone to foot the veterinary bills. They don’t know me either, just “I need help” then 5 minutes later they are gone, until the next crisis.

In addition to these people 2 other relatives have also been posting comments, however, they are just normal everyday conversations, no accusations, no “I know Wendy...”, or anything thing else in any way mean spirited or haughty. Oddly, these two relatives do in fact know me really well and have known me for years.

The ones who are using the phrases: “Wendy is bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”, each time followed by one or the other of these two phrases: “I know Wendy really well” or “I have known Wendy for many years”, are using said phrases in an attempt to convince folks they actually do know me, though I wonder are they saying it to convince others or are they saying it to try to convince themselves, under the belief that if they say it often enough that will make it true?

My question is, why the sudden interest in posting on my FB wall? Why do people who have never been a part of my life before, suddenly find themselves drawn to posting on my wall? And why, so many of them, so suddenly, all at once? Has some event of which I am unawares, occurred, to cause them to take a sudden inexplicable interest in me? But even more strange than this sudden unexplained obsession with me, why are they all, every one of them, quoting the exact same words, again, and again, like a broken record?

What is it that compels each and every one of them to say again and again and again and again and again and again these same word: “Wendy is bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”, each time followed by one or the other of these two phrases: “I know Wendy really well” or “I have known Wendy for many years”? Why if they find me so repulsive to their senses do they obsess over posting comments on my wall and if I am the vile monster they make me out to be, then why then did they send me friend requests to begin with? What bothers me, is not what they are saying, because I know they are speaking lies, but rather what bothers me is their motivation for saying these things. I can not help but wonder WHY it is they feel compelled to spread lies about me?

One must assume that only one has actually said these words, and that the others are merely parroting them back in unison. But who was it who said these words in the first place, causing the others to follow suite? And why? What possible reason could these related strangers have for even saying these words to begin with? Not a single one of them even knows me, hell if they meet me in person they’d not even recognize me or know who I was. I know this to be true because one of these people was here in Maine this summer, I saw them in WalMart, recognized them from their recent FB photo, said hello to them, and they responded with: “Who the hell are you? Get away from me you freak!” (Yes, I do dress THAT “strangely”.) But then this same person, posts on my FB wall saying they’ve known me for years? They know me so little that they don’t even recognize me when they see me in person.

Ah, but then comes my final question: How is it you claim to know me so well, for so many years, and know so utterly and truly in your heart without a doubt that I am the evil bitch you so enjoy telling people I am, when in fact you have only spent fewer than 60 minutes of your life with me EVER?

And so I would like to propose a test, seeing as you know me so well, and for so many years, you should have no trouble at all and answer every question on this list in a matter of seconds. Nows your chance to prove to the world, once and for all, just how well, you truly know me. If you find yourself lost, confused, or feeling stumped, don’t worry, just remember, everyone who knows me really well and for many years, has no trouble answering a single question on this list. Enjoy!

1.) What colour are my eyes? Don’t forget to name the color of both of them.

2.) How old was I when I stopped talking, what event caused this, and how many years was it before I started talking again? During that time there were only 7 people I would talk to, who were they and why?

3.) For more than 20 years, I have worn a very distinctive item every day. What is it? Describe in detail what it looks like. Why do I wear it?

4.) Who is my best friend and how did we meet?

5.) When I was 13, I almost died. Why?

6.) Which animal rights movement am I the founder of, what are the names of the two dogs whose deaths inspired this course of action, and which of my relatives owned those two dogs?

7.) Who is ScatCat? How many thousands of dollars did I pay for ScatCat’s hip replacement and organ transplant surgery after his owners abandoned his mutilated bloody body in my driveway?

8.) In addition to paying a 10% tithe every week, I also did what with my money? Be specific what % of what, went where?

9.) Name the serial killer who murdered 5 of my friends in front of me, and on what date this this occur?

10.) Name the charity I donate the most to. What specifically do I donate? When? Where? How often? And more importantly, why? Why this particular charity and not others?

11.) True or false: I have had plastic surgery done on my face.

12.) “458” - Explain what this is.

13.) What does the abbreviation “666OED” stand for? And where will you find me using this?

14.) What is the name of my first book?

15.) What is the name of my most famous book?

16.) Name my favorite actor.

17.) In tens of thousands, how many unique hits does my blog get in a single week?

18.) Name my favorite singer.

19.) How many strokes have I had? What was the cause of my first stroke? How recent was my most recent stroke?

20.) Who is the Dazzling Razzberry? What did he build? When did he build it? Out of what did he build it? What did I build in his honor and name after him?

21.) How many miscarriages have I had?

22.) Who is my favorite author? (I will accept three answers for this, as most who know me tend to guess my second or third faves as my true fave.)

23.) Fill in the blanks: I have worn ______ glasses since I was ____ years old. I get new frames once every ____ years, and they are always _____ in colour.

24.) Quick, name my favorite doctor: _____________

25.) On FanFic websites I am known as “The Bride of ______________”.  Who is the character, what does he come from, and what race of being is he?

26.) My favorite Disney character is: _____________ and what does the Guinness Book of World Records have to say about this?

27.) How old was I when I was diagnosed with Autism?

28.) Fill in the blank: Since 1996, I often have a __________ on my head. I lost the first one in 2005 and did not replace it until 2011.

29.) What is big, green, and never in a hurry to go any place?

30.) What happened to Sammy? And who was he?

Let me know how many you were able to answer. And I will leave you to consider this: the people who do know me in person and know me really well, and for many years, know that I have been involved full-fledged one-on-one face-to-face person-to-person volunteer work for more than 20 years. Since 1983 I have single handedly housed and found homes for more than 5,000 animals, cats, dogs, horses, turtles, fish, birds, but what am I saying, you know this, for you yourself on more than a dozen occasions dumped in my lap well over 200 of those cats, dogs, raccoons, lizards, and other assorted animals.

Another fact people who know me well know is when I had a home, I opened it to the homeless, who were more than welcomed to camp out on my lawn, in my driveway, in the woods behind my house, in tents, in motorhomes, oh but wait, you know that too - you lived in my yard on 4 separate occasions.

When I had a house it had in it a 3 year food supply, which I donated to the homeless, who flocked to my door for meals --- oh but wait, you already know that, because you were always standing in line for food weren’t you?

Tell me again how mean, cold, and hateful I am to you and your family, but don’t ever come begging to me for my help again, what is it they say.... Don’t bite the hand that feeds you?

Consider me once bitten, twice shy, but know this, now that you’ve shown me what you really think of me, how much of a truly ungrateful wretch you are, don’t expect me to help you next time you are cold, hungry, homeless... and it will, I know because, you get evicted at least twice a year, I know because you always come to me, begging for food and shelter, for you and you animals. Face it honey buns, I’ve been your life line for the past 20 years - let’s see how long you can last without my help. And thank you, for letting me know how truly felt about me, so that I will not have to waste any more of my hard earned money on you. Without you leeching off me, I’ll have far more income to spend on food and shelter for myself.

Oh, and yes, in case you are wondering: yes, I do know who it was, who broke into my house and burnt it to the ground in 2006, thus making me homeless, I didn’t press charge because you were family, but seeing how you truly feel, perhaps I should rectify that and head to the courthouse in the morning. You say I am bitter and angry, well, perhaps it is high time I start becoming bitter and angry, let you find out what it is, a bitter and angry me, is actual like. But then again, I have Autism, my brain lack the chemical which causes a person to get angry to begin with. I am not medically or physically capable of bitterness, anger, cold heartedness, hate, love, happiness, or any other emotion for that matter. You see, I’d laugh at how silly your accusation was, if of course I was capable of laughing, which I’m not, see I have Autism, so there is no laughter or smiling from me either.

You falsely interpret my medical incapability of feeling or showing any emotion at all, as me being, in your own words “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”. Fact is, a person calls another person “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful” only when they themselves are “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”. My advice to you, is before you call me “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful” again, perhaps it would be in you own best interests to step back and take a good long look at yourself and your own inner feelings and emotions, because it is scientifically proven that it is impossible for you to feel that others are “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful” unless you yourself are feeling “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”, because you project on others, feeling you yourself are feeling. Happy people, think everyone around them is happy. Happy people can only see happiness in others. Angry people, think everyone around them is angry. Angry people can only see anger in others.

It is time for you, to look inside yourself and find out, why you are angry, what can you do to release that anger? How can you let go of your inner turmoil and grasp hold of the peace and serenity that waits to embrace your soul? I recommend meditation, to release your anger, and help you to see that those around you, myself included, are not the bitter, anger monsters you falsely perceive us to be.

There are thousands of meditation methods and styles and I am afraid I am not well versed in any of them and really know very little about so-called "Meditation Tips & Techniques". I have never studied meditation on any level, so my advice on meditation is purely my own methods and not connected with any formal style or tradition and may or may not be what others do or recommend. That said, I will tell you what it is that I do and you can decide what to do from there.

First I like to choose a time when I know I will not be disturbed for several hours. My meditation sessions last from a few minutes to 7 or 8 hours. Generally I feel the longer the better, and if I do a meditation session less than an hour long it is generally because I was disturbed by someone. My life is such that I can usually take 2 to 4 hours a day for a meditation session 4 or 5 days a week.

Next set aside a regular time of day so that you can get into the habit of meditating at the same time each day. I personally find it best to meditate in the late afternoon or early evening, depending on the time of year. In the winter it gets dark by 3PM while in the summer it does not start getting dark until 9PM, so I set my meditation time by where the sun is in the sky, not by where the dail is on a clock. For me this means that most meditation sessions start about 4 or 5 hours before sunset. (And I use the setting sun as part of my meditating.)

I choose the place, depending on the weather. (I am homeless and having no house means where I am outside is dependent largely on how cold, hot, wet, dry, or windy the day may be.) I own a small plot of land (about 60 feet by 50 feet) on which sits my meditation garden. The land is surrounded by swamp and forest both of which are owned by one of Maine's largest RV park campgrounds, meaning there are acres of nothing but forest and trails all around me, and I have permission from the owner to use the parks land for my meditating and hiking. In my garden runs a brook, which stretches back for miles into the forest and feeds the Atlantic Ocean which sits on the opposite side of my garden. My places of choose for meditating are along this brook, on the shore of the ocean, at the edge of the swamp, or deep within the forest on the higher banks of the brook. In any case water, running water, flowing brook, or crashing waves, water is my "trigger" for getting into deep meditation. Listening to the water and the birds and the wind in the trees or dune grass, these are the sounds which help to clear my mind and empty it of all the stresses of the day so that I can relax and meditate.

Next I find a place to sit: a soft patch of moss, a tree stump, the sand, whatever, some place comfortable, where I can sit on my bum with my legs crossed, feet over my thighs and can just sit for several hours with my eyes closed and breathing in the fresh salty pine air.

Once settled in my spot, eyes closed, legs crossed, back straight. I take out a pen and paper and write down my daily mantra 15 times, to get it into my brain in a rhythm, than once it is flowing in my head, I close my eyes again and let it float through my mind until it reaches the point that it just disappears and my mind is empty of all thoughts and fears and worries.

A few of the things I have written down and meditated on where:

"I can relax, everything is okay. I can let go of worries. I can let go of fears. I give them to the Universe. I remove them from my life. I don't need them. I don't want them....I am the silver violet flame."

"I believe without a doubt that I will have every thing I want and need from life. I am the silver violent flame."

"I believe without a doubt that I am happy and have a wonderful life to look forward to. I am the silver violent flame."

"I believe without a doubt that I will be guided to the right situation at the right time. I am the silver violet flame."

"I believe without a doubt that every day in every way I am getting better and better. Life if good. I am the silver violent flame."

"I have everything I need to achieve my goals. I am the silver violet flame."

"I accept that my prayers have already been answered. I believe that everything will work out for the best. I am the silver violet flame."

So, you get the idea of my mantras, right?

I also like to use the following poem as a meditation mantra:

God sees me as a beautiful child of life.

God sees me as a beautiful soul.

God sees me as a divine light for the world to see.

God sees me as a purposeful and powerful person.

God sees me as a strong and courageous person.

God sees me as an intelligent person.

God sees me as love in motion.

God sees love.

God sees good.

God sees joy.

God sees peace.

Today I see myself as God sees me.

("God Sees Me" by Iyanla Vanzant)

But yeah, that's pretty much it. Just find a spot where you can sit and relax for several hours and then just sit and relax and empty your mind. In no time you will find yourself feeling as peaceful and contented with life as I am. Once you reach enlightenment you will understand, as I understand that you have no need for material things, you can live a full and wonderful life without a house, with very limited food, without any income, just like I do, just like I have for these past 7 years.

I can see, from the comment you are leaving on my wall, that much of your basis for calling me bitter and angry stems from my being homeless. What you fail to understand is, becoming homeless was the best thing that ever happened to me. It opened me up to a whole new way of seeing the world, to living at one with the plants and animals and every fiber of nature. Yes, even the cold and last nights 14” of snow on top of the 3 days ago 20” of snow. I do not say it is easy, but nor do you see me saying I want to give this up. You see me say I have no house, but you do not see me ask for a house. You misunderstand that I choose not to have a house. You see me say I have no food, but you do not see me ask for food. You misunderstand that I choose not to have food.  I model my life after the lives of Jesus and Gandhi. They had no house. They had no food. They lived as I live, homeless, foodless, devoting every free minute to helping others. You think that because you have many things, that you would be bitter and angry if you lost them, so you then place those assumptions upon me, believing that I must share your frame of mind, that I too would feel bitter and angry. But I am not you. I do not feel as you do, and therefor I am not bitter and angry in the same way that you are bitter and angry.

Free your mind honey. Free your thoughts. Free your soul. Release yourself. Let go of your anger. Embrace peace. And next time you feel the need to post bitter, hateful, angry comments on anyone’s account anywhere, step back and ask yourself, why are you REALLY saying mean things to and about them? Is it REALLY because they are “ bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”, or is it because YOU are feeling “ bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful” towards them, and you want to blame them for causing you to feel “bitter, angry, cruel, cold, and hateful”?

Peace - out.

Ever wonder what it was like to live with Autism? 
I have Autism. For more of my life I rarely spoke and was considered "too crazy" to ever live a normal life. I communicated via writing instead of vocally. I did not attend school. Psychologists said I would never drive a car, never get a job, never go to college, never function as a meaningful member of society, never be able to take care of myself or live on my own. They said there was no hope for me, I would need full-time care my whole life. 
My progression was long and slow and very hard. Things other people found easy to do (getting dressed, brushing teeth/hair, walking across the street, etc,) I found extremely confusing and hard to learn. I was prone to wandering off and getting lost (I still am). Driver's ed takes most people a few weeks to learn - it took me 5 years. 
I determined to prove the doctors wrong, but it was far harder to do, than most people would imagine. I got my first job working at Macy's at age 30 (a very difficult job as I had to deal one on one with customers and I still at that point was not talking in a manner that could be understood by others). I got my GED at age 34. I got my driver's license at age 35. I started college at age 36. By age 37 I had become a Phi Theta Kappa Honor Student and I was finally able to speak to others in full spoken verbal conversation for the first time in my life. 

Something that people often say to me is: "You don't look retarded, you look normal, you seem to be getting by okay, why is it that you need adult supervision?"
One of the reasons why an adult with Autism needs “adult supervision” is their brain does not tell them they are in pain. Was just commenting on the FaceBook status of a friend who got hurt, and it occurred to me that a lot of people don’t understand how it is I had 4 root channels awake and without pain meds, or how I also sat through reconstructive surgery on my face, after having my lip ripped off by a rooster, or again when I had surgery for CTS, or how I can go weeks with a broken bone and not know it is broken. Over the years, people who really, really, REALLY know me well, have come to know that if I say the words “I hurt” than, I’m in a state of needing to have been taken to the hospital, several weeks ago, as doctors put it “her propensity for pain is astounding, look at what I’m doing, she’s not even flinching and I haven’t given her anything for the pain”.
When I went to the dentist, because my teeth hurt, the girl at the desk told him “she can wait, she doesn’t seem to be in any pain” an hour later he was giving her hell for not rushing me to the hospital, because my jaw was so bad I needed surgery to remove my teeth and have a plate put in. (yes, I have false teeth on one side of my jaw) .
I am thinking of all the times I have required major medical repairs, because I didn’t know I was hurt and it took those around me several weeks to realize, I don’t respond emotionally or physically to pain.  I fell down and hurt my arm last year – did the ice thing: for 3 days, than Ben comes over and asks me “what’s wrong with your arm?”, and I tell him I fell down and it hurts, can’t move it, but I’m okay; he looks at it than next thing I know he’s in a panic driving me to the hospital. Yep, it was broken and I didn’t know it. 
The doctors where baffled at why the hell did I wait 3 days to go to the hospital, than they look at my medical records “oh, Autism, that’s why”, unfortunately, one of the stranger symptoms of Autism is, a numbing of the senses, the whole being allergic to everything from sunlight to wool to food, means my body is so used to hurting, that when I’m hurt really bad, it doesn’t send a message to my brain telling me I need help, instead my brain goes “ho hum, more pain, so what?” and the chemicals that are suppose to be triggered to tell me “hey, I’m hurt really bad here, I need to go to the hospital” don’t kick in, so I can go for days (or weeks as was the case when I broke my hip 2 years ago) before someone around me notices somethings wrong, and asks “hey, why are you limping”, and I’ll say “oh, got beaten up a few weeks back, hurt my leg, couldn’t walk for the first few weeks”…”why didn’t you go to the hospital”…”it doesn’t hurt that bad”…”but, it’s a broken bone!” … “really?”
It’s one of the reasons I need “adult supervision  in spite of being in my 40′s, because my brain doesn’t pick up on the fact that I’ve been injured.
I suppose more frightening than “not knowing” I’m injured is when I have a stroke and continue on my day like normal, but wander around with out a clue where I am or who any one is. I’ve had 3 strokes in the past 3 years, that’s why I keep forgetting things when playing D&D, I mean, I know every edition of this game inside out and I’ll be mid game and suddenly have no a clue what to do. I had a stroke again, a few weeks ago, that week I missed the game session, when I told my friend I wasn’t feeling good, I had spent most of the day wandering around the campus without a clue where I was or what I was doing there, missed my classes that day because I couldn’t find the buildings, I only randomly meet up with my friend and for some reason remembered I was suppose to play a game that night, otherwise I wouldn’t have known to tell her I was going home.
It’s upsetting actually, to know you are in a place where you should know where you are, but just not recognize anything. I’ve been without “adult supervision” 6 years now, and for the most part I do good, but it’s when I get hurt/injured/sick that I run into trouble, because my brain just lacks whatever it is it needs that would normally tell me to go to a hospital.  I’ve got a permanent injury now from waiting so long before realizing my leg was broken. 
Autism is noted for being an illness so painful that the brain shuts down and stops registering the pain. This is why Autistics have their strange little jerks, twitches, and jumpy movements - these are times when pain is registered in our brain. The extreme constant pain is caused by over stimulation of things we are allergic to: lights, sounds, touch, most all foods, most all fabrics, tags in clothes, etc, etc, etc. There are so many things irritating our bodies all at once, that the brain doesn't know which pain to go after first, so it just shuts down and tells us to sit on the floor and hum a song until the pain goes away.
Unfortunately another symptom of Autism is being very clumsy, having a lack of proper balance, and thus fallen down frequently, having extreme difficulty maneuvering on stairs and uneven terrain (all this being a result of the fact that our brain is so out of whack because there is so much pain going on, that it can not focus on walking steady) which means I'm more prone to fall and become injured than the average person, but being so used to pain that my brain ignore extra pain also means that even though I am getting hurt more than normal, I'm also getting treatment for said injuries less than normal because I don't realize I've injured myself (not even when gushing blood, as was the case when the rooster ripped my lip off), unless another person is there to point out said injury, or in such instances as the day I tried to walk away and discovered I could not move because may hand had been shut in the door, which was locked and I had to wait for someone with a key to come along and open the door, by which time my fingers had turned black from lack of circulation - pain ignored - I only noticed my hand was shut in a locked door because I was unable to walk away from the door. This is why I need adult supervision.)
This is the reality of life with Autism.

Now you can find out what it's like Being an Adult with Autism


Good morning Starshine! Liked this post? Looking to connect with me online? I love social networks and am on most of them. You can find me on: BloggerEtsyFaceBookGoogle+Keen, LinkedInMySpaceNaNoWriMoProBoardsScript FrenzySpoonflowerSquidooTwitterULC Ministers NetworkWordpress, and Zazzle Feel free to give me a shout any  time. Many blessings to you, may all your silver clouds be lined with rhinestones and sparkle of golden sunshine. Have yourself a great and wonderful glorious day!

~Rev. Wendy C. Allen aka Empress EelKat of Laughing Gnome Hollow
FYI: I welcome all email! That includes arrogant, bigoted, rude, ignorant, snide hate mail many uber religious folks enjoy sending my way.  However, be forewarned that by choosing to send me a letter, email, blog comment, FaceBook comments, or any other message from any other means, which falls into any category, you thereby relinquish all ownership rights and responsibilities concerning your letter(s) and comments(s). I will post any and all letters, both positive and negative, that I feel require or deserve a response. If you don't want the world knowing your troubles, knowing you are a hater, or knowing you are a bigoted jackass, please refrain from sending me mail, because if you get really bitchy, I'll go right ahead and use your real name too. Thank you and have a nice day.
Oh, btw, while you are sending me your question, can I offer a bit of guidance here? LESS Wiccan related questions PLEASE! I am not Wiccan, know nothing of Wicca, and just because a bunch of local Mormons run around saying I am a Witch, and building those nasty slanderous websites full of false accusations about me, don't make me one! *sheesh* I am so sick of "but they said..." yeah, I KNOW what they said, that doesn't make it true. Sending me Wiccan/Witchcraft related questions is only going to piss me off.
You can be Wiccan all you want, I don't care. But coming to me and asking me for advice on Wicca and Witchcraft is the equivalent of going to a cake chef and asking him for advice on brick laying! You wouldn't go to chef to get masonry advice so what the heck are you going to a Christian to get Wiccan advice? Come on people, be reasonable!
You got Bible questions, thems I can answer. You got Hoodoo questions, yep, I can answer those too. But Wicca? Paganism? Witchcraft? Remember Voodoo is NOT Vodou. Voodoo and Vodou are two separate and different religions. Voodoo is a Christian religion not a Pagan one, we use a Bible, and God, and Jesus, and Saints, and Spirit Guides (lwa). just because I'm Voodoo don't mean I know shit about Wicca or Paganism  Now I understand you have questions and finding folks like myself who are willing to attempt to answer everything that comes my way are few and far between, but please attempt to use your brain and consider whether or not I am even able to offer advice or even know the answer to your questions before you send them to me? Okay? Good. Thank you.
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This post was written by Wendy C Allen aka EelKat, is copyrighted by The Twighlight Manor Press and was posted on Houseless Living @ and reposted at EK's Star Log and parts of it may also be seen on and  If you are reading this from a different location than those listed above, please contact me Wendy C. Allen aka EelKat and let me know where it is you found this post. Plagiarism is illegal and I DO actively pursue offenders. Unless copying a Blog Meme, you do not have permission to copy anything appearing on this blog, including words, art, or photos. This will be your only warning. Thank you and have a glorious day!                             
                                                                   ~ EelKat

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